Have you ever asked yourself this question? Have you been in a toxic relationship and blamed yourself?
If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, "Am I the narcissist?" you’re not alone. Self-doubt is a huge part of narcissistic and emotional abuse. However, before jumping to conclusions, let’s take a closer look at NPD, what it truly entails, and how you can navigate this self-reflection with understanding and clarity.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
The Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is the standard handbook used by healthcare professionals in the Americas and much of the world. It states Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a pattern of self-centered, egotistical behavior destructive to others. Narcissists put their needs before others. The most important characteristics of NPD are grandiosity, seeking excessive admiration and a lack of empathy. The American Psychiatric Association defines narcissistic personality disorder as persistent grandiosity, a continuous desire for admiration, and a lack of empathy. It begins in early adulthood and is seen in people with at least five of the following characteristics:
An exaggerated sense of self-importance. They expect to be recognized as superior without matching achievements.
A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
Believes he/she is “special” and should only associate with other special high-status people or institutions.
Requires excessive admiration
Has a strong sense of entitlement
Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends
Lacks empathy or genuine concern for others
Is often envious or believes others are envious of him
Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behavior
I was guilty of doing what I now tell my clients is a huge red flag: I googled my father’s symptoms. He told me lie after lie. I was lost and confused. This wasn’t my father at least it wasn’t the person I thought I knew.
Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse is isolating, intentionally. You feel confusion, loss, anger, and rage. Nothing is what it seems, especially if your narcissist wears a mask and has a big public persona. Self-doubt is also a common experience after narcissistic abuse. It can stem from distorted thinking, gaslighting, and a diminished sense of self-worth. I get it. You’re in this toxic relationship where nothing seems normal so perhaps it’s all your fault.
Self-doubt occurs pretty organically. It’s so subtle, you may not even realize it’s happening. The narcissist distorts your sense of reality, making it hard to tell what's real and what's not. They use gaslighting which makes you question your perception of what happened. Then they question everything you do leading you to believe every decision you make is flawed.
Recognize and accept your feelings
Set healthy boundaries
Practice self-care
Educate yourself
Join a support group
Work with a professional coach or therapist familiar with NPD
Other effects of narcissistic abuse include: anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, mood swings, anger outbursts, emotional numbness, flashbacks, hypervigilance, irritability, and nightmares.
I felt completely alone
My whole life, anytime my narcissistic father behaved badly when we were together, on vacation, or at an event and he would get angry and stop talking to me – my mother made everything all right. She would tell him to calm down and all of a sudden, peace was restored. Then when she died, there was no one to calm him, no one to tell him everything is ok, and no one to resolve his conflicts. Essentially, the curtain was drawn and I could see who he really was without her smoke and mirrors to disguise him.
If you’ve suffered this type of relationship, it helps enormously to talk to someone. I say this a lot because it’s the best first step to take. Talking about it is the first step to acknowledging that you’ve suffered. It also provides clarity as to what you’ve experienced, validation as to the type of person you’ve been dealing with and comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
When you're in a toxic relationship, you need to talk to someone about your emotions and your trauma. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse and now I coach people on their healing journey. I give people clarity, validation & comfort.
Healing from long-term trauma takes time. Don’t stay in this kind of emotionally abusive relationship. It won’t get better. They won’t change. You don’t deserve this abuse.
Often, we stay in these cycles of abuse because we don’t believe we deserve something better.
I kept trying to make our relationship work, but he didn’t want me in his life. It took me a long time to understand that I deserved better.
You deserve better, too.
Conclusion
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to learn the benchmarks of healthy relationships. I can help you learn how to resist your attraction to toxic people.
You are the most important project you’ll ever work on. It’s time to invest in yourself the way you’ve invest in everyone else.
I’ve had discovery calls with so many people who need help with this type of toxic relationship and resulting abuse but have been decimated financially. They have been left with little to recover and begin to heal. I’ve developed courses that take away the financial obstacles of working with a narcissistic abuse recovery coach one-on-one while still giving you the clarity, validation, and strategies to begin your recovery. Both courses are value-packed, self-driven, videos on demand to get you on the right path.
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You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and lynncatalano.com.
If you’re looking for my Top 10 Answers to your Top 10 Questions about Narcissists, just go here: https://buff.ly/3yUt43z
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