What is Gaslighting?
Last week in this blog I wrote about the most important things you need to know about gaslighting as it’s the manipulation tactic narcissists use to punish their victims. Read it here. It’s critical for you to know how to recognize gaslighting and what it sounds like.
This is what gaslighting sounds like
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“Here is a likely conversation between an Innocent (I) and a Narcissist (N) after an argument about the events of the night before.
I “Last night, you hurt me when you said I looked terrible and then flirted with Petunia all evening.”
N “I never said that. You have a terrible memory.”
I “You told me when we got to the bar, I looked terrible, like I hadn’t spent any time on getting ready.”
N “You’re just being paranoid. That never happened.”
I “What about your flirting with Petunia all night?”
N “Stop being so dramatic. I wasn’t flirting with her. You’re exaggerating.”
I “Then why did Bob say something to me about it?”
N “Bob’s just jealous of me. I was just joking. Can’t you take a joke?”
I “I don’t think it’s funny at all.”
N “I’m sorry you think I hurt you. Let’s just move on. It’s all water under the bridge.”
I “OK. I accept your apology.”
N “Good, if you’re lucky, I’ll forgive you.”
What should you do if you are the victim of gaslighting?
All types of narcissists employ the tactic of gaslighting to control: employers, parents, friends, spouses, and partners. This strategy’s success often depends on the balance of power between two people in a relationship. The tactic reinforces the narcissist’s need to be right, be in control and be superior to his victim.
At some point, you must evaluate whether you want to stay in the relationship. If you choose to stay, you’ll need some evidence because the narcissist will never believe your claims. Take screenshots of texts and emails and use your phone to record conversations. This evidence isn’t for legal purposes. It’s really for you, to help you realize the person on the other side is a narcissist so you can gain peace of mind. You’re not going crazy. You must speak up at some point if you want to remain in the relationship. You also must remain confident and committed to your version of events.
Showing evidence or proof at this point may help convince them to back down. If they decide to argue further, refuse and stay calm. Refusing to engage in another argument is a way of controlling the situation and protecting yourself. It’s important to practice self-care and relaxation techniques. Make sure you have an outlet for yourself both as meditation and a support network comprised of friends and family. Don’t let the narcissist isolate you from them.
Over time, gaslighting can cause you to doubt yourself, second guess your opinions and perceptions and withdraw socially. It’s all about control and the balance of power between two people in a relationship. Remember, gaslighting works as a form of emotional and psychological abuse because it’s confusing. It makes people question their judgment, their memories, and even their sanity.
I suffered for years while my father continued to gaslight me. I just didn’t know there was a term for it. I had no idea this was narcissistic abuse. All I knew was that he wouldn’t act like the father I thought I had.
If you’ve suffered narcissistic abuse, it’s critical for you to talk to someone. However, it’s important to talk to someone who gets it. I believe that in this particular form of abuse, it’s best to talk to someone who’s had a similar experience. I have experienced this insidious emotional abuse.
You are the most important project you’ll ever work on. It’s time to invest in yourself the way you’ve invest in everyone else. Let’s start now.
Don’t suffer in silence from narcissistic abuse, let’s talk.
I’d love to speak with you. Click here to book a free session with me.
Subscribe to my YouTube channel for total video access here:
You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and lynncatalano.com.
If you’re looking for my Top 10 Answers to your Top 10 Questions about Narcissists, just go here: https://buff.ly/3yUt43z
Check out The Narcissist Slayers podcast and follow us to stay connected.