Narcissists are always more concerned about their image and reputation
I naively asked my narcissistic father to please be present in his relationship with me, my husband, and our girls. I asked him to make conversation and act like he’s glad to see us. I told him it appears his public image is more important than his relationship with us. As per usual, he would deny it saying he’s too old to care about his public image.
More lies. This just doesn’t square up with the times he tries to stage a forced public appearance. Like the time he invited us to dinner at the Country Club, on St.Patrick’s Day when they were having all kinds of special and drawing a crowd. Or the time he wanted to get together at the grand opening of a new restaurant in our small town. He was really only interested in seeing us when we served his purpose of being a family – for his image. Narcissists are walking contradictions – while they project this image that is larger than life, they actually have very low self-esteem.
Narcissists fish for compliments
Narcissists need constant reassurance that they are exceptional in every way and often fish for compliments if they are not readily given. Narcissists are always comparing themselves to everyone around them and they need to rank higher than everyone.
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“Narcissists come from a place of vulnerability, low self-esteem, and insecurity. The only way for them to thrive or perhaps survive is to find a source of narcissistic supply to feed their ego. The term “narcissistic supply” refers to the praise, admiration, envy, and recognition they need like oxygen. It’s as if they have no inner resources to draw upon. My father will actually solicit narcissistic supply if it’s not forthcoming.
“How do I look?”
“Did you see what I won?”
“How about these things I bought on sale?
“Aren’t I the best _____?”
He might even provide evidence to prove his case, social proof, like newspaper clippings, that are hard to refute. There’s no choice but to offer the needed narcissistic supply just to move the conversation along to something else.
His actions at this time, after my mother’s death, now seem like a desperate scheme to quickly replace his supply and regain his perceived strength. He needed to appear strong to others and was willing to do anything, including hurting me to accomplish it.”
Narcissists constantly crave narcissistic supply. What is it? Narcissistic supply is the narcissist unending need for attention, praise, reverence, envy, compliments, awards, and winning. They will manipulate anyone and anything to get their supply.
Narcissists fantasize about having power over others
Receiving awards and being honored helps them achieve their fantasies. Every award, every time someone honored my father, fueled his goal to win. He won again! He was a winner. This was the most important thing in his world. He desperately needed to be the best winner of all time. He did not need to celebrate anyone else, ever.
When it comes down to it, life is all about your relationships, not the plaques and trophies you’ve received. Your plaques and trophies don’t make very good company. My father only valued those. He had no need for relationships with his only child or only grandchildren.
What’s the saddest thing about narcissists?
Narcissists are a slave to their egos and their image. They can’t control their behavior or manage their own emotions. They care more about receiving an honor or an award than having an actual relationship with their grandchild.
I know I wasn’t paying attention to how the relationship affected me. If you do nothing, if you don’t address this trauma, it will bleed into every aspect of your life affecting how you show up for everything. The trauma takes a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. I know at the worst points in my relationship with my narcissist, I had terrible insomnia, gastrointestinal problems, skin reactions, and more. This is why it’s so critical to talk to someone. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly.
When you realize you’ve been in a toxic relationship, what will you do for yourself?
Are you trapped in the cycle of a toxic relationship with a narcissist? The damage is real, and it's time to break free. The damaging effects continuing in a trauma bond with a narcissist is like living in a nightmare you can't wake up from. Everyday, you're losing a part of yourself. The longer you stay, the deeper the scars. It's time to put an end to the suffering. The toll on your brain, body, and mental health: prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse rewires your brain. It disrupts your ability to think clearly, make decisions, and process emotions.
When you are in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you feel immense anger, rage, and loss for the person you loved that you thought loved you. I get it.
It’s the worst feeling. It’s your sign to break your trauma bonds for good this time.
Trauma Bonds 101 isn’t just informational, it gives you the strategies to move on from this person and heal.
This isn't just another course; this is your lifeline. You are not just breaking free from your narcissist – you are breaking the cycle of abuse, you are ending a trauma addiction, and you are changing your trajectory. There’s a time for change…and yours is now.
Check out The Narcissist Slayers podcast
Take this as your sign to take action today. Learn how to break the trauma bonds for good this time. You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and lynncatalano.com.
If you’re looking for my Top 10 Answers to your Top 10 Questions about Narcissists, just go here: https://buff.ly/3yUt43z
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