Yet Another Tool in the Narcissist’s Toolbox
This is what happens when they push you and push you until you can’t take it any more and you…react. Whatever you do, whether that’s raising your voice or slamming doors or something more physical – it’s outside of your normal behavior. This is reactive abuse
and narcissists love it. It allows them to shift the blame, to distort reality and to make themselves the victim.
What is Reactive Abuse?
Reactive abuse occurs when a victim of abuse begins to defend themselves by responding to that abuse with their own verbal and/or physical attacks.
Reactive abuse works against the victim of this abuse because the abuser uses it as leverage.
Signs of Reactive Abuse
Uncharacteristic behavior - The victim’s behavior is not characteristic of them. They have never shown abusive tendencies toward any other person or situation.
Self-defense - The victim’s reaction is an act of self-defense to protect themselves against their abuser. This only happens when they’ve been provoked and reached their limit.
Provocation - The abuser pushes their victim with cruel behavior, belittling and demeaning in public to break them and elicit a violent response.
Things the Narcissist Does to Trigger Reactive Abuse
When you’re in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, they know your vulnerabilities. They know what hurts you. They have been holding on to these things and will use them to provoke reactive abuse from you. Here are some examples of ways they trigger reactive abuse from you:
By asking you a personal question they know you don’t want shared especially around other people.
They like to post or comment on your social media intentionally shining a light on something you don’t want highlighted.
By violating your emotional or physical boundaries. This is non-negotiable and unacceptable.
Examples of Reactive Abuse
Michael and Sue have been in a romantic relationship for some time. During a recent argument, Sue has resorted to name-calling and insults. Fueled by anger, Michael yells back hurtful things he doesn’t mean. Michael is acting completely out of character, following Sue’s pattern of abusive behavior.
Marty and Pat have been living together for a year. Marty has been constantly criticizing Pat’s cooking for months. The belittling and complaining has been affecting Pat. One night, after a particularly harsh comment, Pat loses control yelling and slamming cupboards. This is not how Pat would normally act. Pat feels enormous frustration at the constant criticism and cruelty.
Breaking the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
In any relationship with someone who suffers from NPD,
there is a cycle to their narcissistic abuse. It is a cycle; it circles around and repeats itself. This cycle is a pattern of abusive behavior. It’s never a one-off with a narcissist. There are 3 main stages of this cycle with a last gasp maneuver from the narcissist. First, the narcissist idealizes you, putting you on a pedestal. Then they very subtly begin to devalue and criticize you. Eventually, they discard you when you no longer serve them. Then they try to suck you back in and begin the cycle all over again.
Find Support - Break the Trauma Bond for Good
Healing is an opportunity. It is critical to recognize the signs of narcissistic abuse, as it can have long-term effects on your emotional, mental, and physical health. The narcissistic abuse cycle typically involves a period of love-bombing, where the narcissist showers you with attention and affection, followed by devaluation, where they criticize and belittle you. This cycle can repeat itself over and over again, leading to feelings of confusion and self-doubt. Enroll in the course Trauma Bonds 101 where I will lead you through the narcissistic abuse cycle and show you how the trauma bonds are holding you back and how to break them for good.
Healing from long-term trauma takes time. Don’t stay in this kind of emotionally abusive relationship. It won’t get better. They won’t change.
You don’t deserve this abuse.
You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly.
Often, we stay in these cycles of abuse because we don’t believe we deserve something better. I kept trying to make our relationship work, but he didn’t want me in his life. It took me a long time to understand that I deserved better.
You deserve better, too.
You can't do this alone.
I can help you.
Work with me one-on-one or take one of my courses.
Conclusion
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to learn the benchmarks of healthy relationships. I can help you learn how to resist your attraction to toxic people.
You are the most important project you’ll ever work on. It’s time to invest in yourself the way you’ve invest in everyone else. Let’s start now.
I’ve had discovery calls with so many people who need help with this type of toxic relationship and resulting abuse but have been decimated financially. They have been left with little to recover and begin to heal. I’ve developed courses that take away the financial obstacles of working with a narcissistic abuse recovery coach one-on-one while still giving you the clarity, validation, and strategies to begin your recovery. Both courses are value-packed, self-driven, videos on demand to get you on the right path.
Subscribe to my YouTube channel to access all my videos here:
You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and lynncatalano.com.
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