People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have terrible personal relationships. This of course includes the relationships they have with their children. What parent competes with their child? A narcissistic parent does. My father was the most important person in his world. His child and his grandchildren were just props to make him look better.
What did he never say to me?
Narcissistic parents are never going to say “I’m proud of you.” They just aren’t capable. I don’t think it’s trite to tell your children you are proud of them. They should never doubt that you are their number one fan, even when they’re adults.
Withholding Affection
People who suffer from NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) withhold affection, communication, finances, etc. They are emotionally handicapped. Part of narcissistic personality disorder is an intense feeling of being out of control. As a coping mechanism, narcissists need to control everything about their relationship, their situation and others because they feel out of control. Narcissists are deeply rooted in insecurity and can’t accept or endure any criticism or rejection.
Narcissistic parents do things differently. What are some signs?
Marginalization – will tease, mock or gaslight
They use their children as validation & love is conditional
They always put their own needs first – all attention on them
They hate boundaries and won’t respect yours
They always shift the blame onto their children – no accountability
Superiority – must always be in control
Their own superficial image
Ruling by fear, domination, & manipulation
Jealousy – can’t, I repeat can’t have the child achieve more, ever.
Neglect – no care or concern for anyone else
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“There was always competition but never like this. In my mind, it seemed almost Shakespearean, biblical, but probably more like Ryan and Tatum O’Neal. I was angry, hurt, and shocked. I felt betrayed by someone who I thought was my champion when he was a competitor. This wasn’t normal behavior. Parents are supposed to be proud of their children. Parents aren’t supposed to be jealous of their children. My father did something I never dreamed possible, but I refused to let it destroy me and my peace of mind anymore.
When it came to finding my inner peace and eliminating ongoing feelings of rage, therapy and exercise helped, but they didn’t change anything for me. I needed more. I needed to understand my own mindset and how to process everything.
My relationship with my father, however, was never the same again. Breaking trust is like crumpling a fresh piece of paper. You can smooth it out, but it’ll never be the same again. I found a way to achieve a level of peaceful disinterest or indifference which has allowed me to have a relationship with my father with minimal contact. Similar to the coping mechanisms I recommend with other types of narcissists, little or no contact seems to work best.”
If you are the child of a narcissistic parent, you’ve suffered. You’ve felt their cruelty, their dismissiveness, their competitiveness. This type of emotional abuse takes a toll on your health. It’s also more difficult for others to understand.
Healing from long-term trauma takes time. Don’t stay in this kind of emotionally abusive relationship. It won’t get better. They won’t change. You don’t deserve this abuse.
You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly.
Often, we stay in these cycles of abuse because we don’t believe we deserve something better.
I kept trying to make our relationship work, but he didn’t want me in his life. It took me a long time to understand that I deserved better.
You deserve better, too.
You can't do this alone. I can help you.
Work with me one-on-one or take one of my courses.
Conclusion
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to learn the benchmarks of healthy relationships. I can help you learn how to resist your attraction to toxic people.
You are the most important project you’ll ever work on.
It’s time to invest in yourself the way you’ve invest in everyone else. Let’s start now.
I’ve had discovery calls with so many people who need help with this type of toxic relationship and resulting abuse but have been decimated financially. They have been left with little to recover and begin to heal. I’ve developed courses that take away the financial obstacles of working with a narcissistic abuse recovery coach one-on-one while still giving you the clarity, validation, and strategies to begin your recovery. Both courses are value-packed, self-driven, videos on demand to get you on the right path.
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