Certain things just go together like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Abbott and Costello, and narcissistic rage storms and holidays! Nothing makes me feel as out of control and hopeless as an attendee at a family gathering where the narcissist has perceived an offense and is punishing everyone.
People who suffer from NPD have arrested development
When something like trauma, impairs ones ability to emotionally mature, this is known as arrested development. Arrested development also refers to a failure to achieve typical benchmarks of emotional development, especially the inability to regulate your own emotions. Basically, narcissists are arrested in their emotional development of childhood and have never progressed. I discussed this topic in a previous blog post.
Narcissists love to create chaos and drama
Narcissists love chaos, confusion and undependability. Narcissists create chaos to regain control. Control is always of utmost importance to them. They will do anything to get it.
These people are not the charming, honest, goodhearted people they pretend to be. They are immature, insecure, abusive people who are terrified of exposure.
I once had a client describe her narcissist as someone with chaos swirling around them. Narcissists need to maintain their image of being very important people, always in charge and busy. Anytime you asked my father how he was, his answer was always “busy.” Even after he was retired, he needed you to understand he was very busy. This was his way of telling his family he was too busy to be involved. Narcissists will actually manufacture the chaos and confusion if there isn’t any.
What’s a Narcissistic Rage Storm?
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“Some people compare a narcissist’s rage storm to an actual storm like a hurricane. There often is some warning it’s coming if you see the signs. Once it hits, all you can do is ride it out until it’s over to see how much damage occurs. A narcissistic rage storm can take many forms: sometimes yelling and screaming and sometimes withdrawing into seething silence and passive-aggressive behaviors. The goal of the narcissist is always to hurt the other person as a defense mechanism because they feel injured. Sometimes the passive-aggressive rage storm comes in writing with caustic sarcasm or purposeful neglect. Rage storms often begin when a narc spin goes a little too far. A rage storm is a larger, more destructive narc spin. Remember, the narcissist always reacts to their perceived injury, as a blow to their inflated image.
Well-known examples of rage storms can be found in literature. One example is the play King Lear by Shakespeare. Even if you’ve never read King Lear, the story is relatable and relevant. Lear’s primary flaw is he values appearances above reality. He wants what narcissists always want, for people around him to pay attention, follow his directions and show respect, especially in public. When he doesn’t get what he wants, Lear flies into a rage storm. He’s angry when his daughters, Regan and Goneril tell him what to do. Regan has the unmitigated gall to tell Lear he’s at fault. He doesn’t appreciate Goneril and should apologize. You can almost feel the storm coming on from Lear’s reaction. In the above-referenced quote, Lear goes off on Goneril. He calls her a disease. This can happen when narcissists don’t get what they want.”
Holidays are the perfect stage for their cruelty
You’ve been through enough. Now it’s time for the life you’ve always deserved.
Everyone around the table, quietly respectful of each other – what better time to demand control of the situation and punish everyone for their perceived offense? All I ever wanted at these occasions was peace. You too can have peace.
What you can do
You're a force, not to be diminished. Find the strength within to move forward.
I’ve written many blogs about why narcissists ruin holidays and what you can do about it. These blogs are often read, reread and referenced. What if you could have more – actual proven coping strategies you can apply right away at Thanksgiving for less than the cost of one therapy session?
I get it. Holidays bring such anxiety when there’s a narcissist involved. Well, I’ve done something for you. I’ve given you a step-by-step approach delivered in bite-sized videos to arm you with the tools and strategies to save this holiday season all for less than the cost of your skincare routine. This is a limited time discount as it will go up after Thanksgiving.
If you’ve experienced the chaos, the circus, and the conflict, you know how narcissists ruin and wreck every holiday, special occasion, family gathering. You’ve witnesses the narcissistic rage storms. You’ve been punished with the silent treatment. It’s just the worst experience. You’ve even debated about attending the event.
Paulo Coelho said “a mistake repeated more than once is a choice.” Don’t choose to engage in their circus again. Make peace your choice.
Practical Tools and Techniques At Your Fingertips
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Join the many people who have successfully navigated holiday challenges with my expert strategies. This course is specifically designed with you in mind and is focused on your unique challenges at this time of year.
You are the most important project you’ll ever work on. It’s time to invest in yourself the way you’ve invest in everyone else. Let’s start now.
Stop settling for less than you deserve. The best is ahead of you.
Check out The Narcissist Slayers podcast
You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and lynncatalano.com.
If you’re looking for my Top 10 Answers to your Top 10 Questions about Narcissists, just go here.
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